Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
you had me at cake vodka
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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