you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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