I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
A+ Viking dick
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
