in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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