just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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