they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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