Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
