i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
