the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
