Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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