He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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