Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
