Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
