All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
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