i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
