How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
