Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
