Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
