are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
