Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
