I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
