when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
