the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
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