Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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