I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
