The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm always down for nudity.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
