Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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