You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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