ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
