In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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