halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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