I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
