Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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