i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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