I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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