I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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