There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
