Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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