Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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