dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
