I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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