you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
