so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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