please come you make the beer taste better
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
