Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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