i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
