i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
