Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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