Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
