In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
