I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
