"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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