fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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